What marriage brings for a woman…


A cup of hot coffee at CCD or Barista in chilling winter night with your love; sharing dreams and your fears at times! The happiness of meeting someone special and again bearing the pain of seperation after a beautiful day spent together. This is what all you men and women feel when in love.

One feeling that surely runs across your mind while parting after a brilliant date is: “Oh! Wish we were married.” I can say this with absolute precision because I felt the same!

Now many of my dear readers may think that I will now start spelling out shaadi ke side-effects” (the side-effects of marriage). Well, yeah I will, but then “what is good, can’t be negated at all”!

Marriage to many ‘seems and feels’ like a beautiful bonding of hearts. While for many this may feel like a “conjugal bondage”. All depends on experience after all!

Since I have chosen to write what it brings to woman, I shouldn’t miss out on writing what it takes away from her.

Let’s start with the negative side-effects. Marriage is an alliance, in which a woman loses her identity. How?? In many ways!(Please note: This is a generic observation, not class specific.)

She is robbed of her parental home and her maiden name. She is coerced to follow the tradition of the family she is married into. She is bound to change her style of dressing, behaving and sometimes her eating habits are also not spared! In-laws claim that she is not a “bahu”, but a daughter of the family. But only in words and not in practice.

However, exceptions always exist in society. There is one family I know where a “bahu” is treated like a daughter. After the untimely demise of the son, the in-laws got their daughter-in-law married again at their own expenses, from their own residence. Just as her parents would do. Rare, but true!

I wish all in-laws felt the same for their daughters-in-law. I am sure in that case Ekta Kapoor wouldn’t get a plot for her rising number of saas-bahu TV soaps.

Jokes apart! At this stage of my write-up I’d like to mention one thing that marriage, besides bringing forced submission and loss of identity for a woman, brings two families together. And in some rare cases, brings two cultures, communities or even religions closer. Marriage stands for “unification”, not “segregation”.

However, one thing that cannot be denied is that in most of the cases, it’s only the woman in a conjugal knot, who has to compromise on many conditions. Whether it is adhering to the family traditions or catering to the needs of each family member, it’s the woman who does it all.

Through this piece I would like to protest against this unjust practice. If marriage doesn’t demand so much from a man, why should woman face it all alone?

Let the feeling of happiness that marriage brings to all hearts, persist forever. Let it bring unique identity to every individual. Let it make a woman feel free, not caged.

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6 thoughts on “What marriage brings for a woman…

  1. Nice description of marriage for a woman. Although we all are enjoying the life we a spending but these thoughts come in the mind of every woman that why only i am comnpromising when i have equal status in professtional life than who is pulling me back in society.

    1. Dear,

      There are many men who compromise with their wife’s “demands” to rule the house; oh not just wife’s .. even her mother’s demands to rule the house.

      Lot of men give their women a special position and status. We treat you like angel and pamper you.

      Finally, women do not understand this. They misuse the freedom and nice behavior.

      The reason why women’s thoughts are more known in society is that, many women go and bitch “yaar pata hai mera husband aisa hai vaisa hai”.. but we men do not discuss this. We take your behavior with pinch of salt and get along.

      You and the author of this blog as well as many more women who feel as “abala nari” needs to read http://www.498a.org/top25.htm and many other such sites as well as visit other families and study the damn reality.

      The truth is if there are women who are treated badly, there are men too.
      There are people in both genders who choose to bear it or break it.
      Just that law in our country is more biased to women. Men’s harassment is not taken serious.

      Basically almost all woman and women organisation support the idea that “woman are humans”, but forget that even men are.

  2. >Whether it is adhering to the family traditions or catering to the needs of each family member, it’s the woman who does it all.

    Wrong. Study shows there is an increasing rise of number of women who do not care about the new family and there are increasing rise of men who cater to the new family needs.

    >Through this piece I would like to protest against this unjust practice. If marriage doesn’t demand so much from a man, why should woman face it all alone?

    Wrong again. What women face is in public and there is media and women organisations to take them to a very new level.
    What men face never comes out in public; either suppressed or never admitted.
    Even law is biased and taken side of women in form of 498a, which is full fledged misused in our country.

    I am surprised I have not seen a women blog about the bias of 498a law?
    Loads and loads of women just blog about life being so screwed as “abala nari” when reality today is far away from that.

    Why women blogs never complain about giving them extra 498a rights? Oh let me guess, because it is a benefit tool; and no one wants to see the benefits.. always crib crib and crib.

    1. Thanks Krish for your valuable comment.

      I apreciate your concern for the causes of men. I also agree that there are men who suffer so much because of a domineering wife.

      I also know of families, which broke simply because the woman in the family had screwed the happiness of the family.

      I know of families breaking becasue of women who love to break marriages, by sneaking in and carrying out a relationship with a married man.

      Woman is the cause of pain to another woman, an obviously to many men as well.

      But, what I wrote was based on case studies (a few) and they can’t be wrong.

      I agree, my write -up was too much generalised one, but it was based on facts. So, you can’t call it wrong. And even you can’t generalise women.

      But, I appreciate your honesty.

      Best regards
      Monika

      But, you should also agree

  3. > And even you can’t generalise women.

    Nope. I never would.

    Evident from my reply on your other post. Here’s the quote
    “There are very rare women who are practical and we love to take advises from them. They have special respect among men.”

    All I’m saying is there are people with issues on both sides of the gender.
    Please do not bias it, because you never know who is reading your blog right now and in what state of problems they are reading.

    “Generalized” things could eventually make someone take wrong decisions in life. B’cos not everyone is mature enough.

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