A cup of hot coffee at CCD or Barista in chilling winter night with your love; sharing dreams and your fears at times! The happiness of meeting someone special and again bearing the pain of seperation after a beautiful day spent together. This is what all you men and women feel when in love.
One feeling that surely runs across your mind while parting after a brilliant date is: “Oh! Wish we were married.” I can say this with absolute precision because I felt the same!
Now many of my dear readers may think that I will now start spelling out shaadi ke side-effects” (the side-effects of marriage). Well, yeah I will, but then “what is good, can’t be negated at all”!
Marriage to many ‘seems and feels’ like a beautiful bonding of hearts. While for many this may feel like a “conjugal bondage”. All depends on experience after all!
Since I have chosen to write what it brings to woman, I shouldn’t miss out on writing what it takes away from her.
Let’s start with the negative side-effects. Marriage is an alliance, in which a woman loses her identity. How?? In many ways!(Please note: This is a generic observation, not class specific.)
She is robbed of her parental home and her maiden name. She is coerced to follow the tradition of the family she is married into. She is bound to change her style of dressing, behaving and sometimes her eating habits are also not spared! In-laws claim that she is not a “bahu”, but a daughter of the family. But only in words and not in practice.
However, exceptions always exist in society. There is one family I know where a “bahu” is treated like a daughter. After the untimely demise of the son, the in-laws got their daughter-in-law married again at their own expenses, from their own residence. Just as her parents would do. Rare, but true!
I wish all in-laws felt the same for their daughters-in-law. I am sure in that case Ekta Kapoor wouldn’t get a plot for her rising number of saas-bahu TV soaps.
Jokes apart! At this stage of my write-up I’d like to mention one thing that marriage, besides bringing forced submission and loss of identity for a woman, brings two families together. And in some rare cases, brings two cultures, communities or even religions closer. Marriage stands for “unification”, not “segregation”.
However, one thing that cannot be denied is that in most of the cases, it’s only the woman in a conjugal knot, who has to compromise on many conditions. Whether it is adhering to the family traditions or catering to the needs of each family member, it’s the woman who does it all.
Through this piece I would like to protest against this unjust practice. If marriage doesn’t demand so much from a man, why should woman face it all alone?
Let the feeling of happiness that marriage brings to all hearts, persist forever. Let it bring unique identity to every individual. Let it make a woman feel free, not caged.